The one in which it all goes to Mama Bross’ head
by Larah Bross | 27 Feb 2019
Hey Bagel Lovers,
I’m going to warn you, this blog entry contains high levels of smug and I know from experience that you Scottish guys do NOT handle that well. That’s why all your homegrown celebrities aren’t exactly lookers. You cannot be talented and good looking in this country – you simply won’t allow that to happen. All Scottish celebs have to look vaguely post-apocalyptic. e.g.
– The Proclaimers, The Krankies, Susan Boyle, Frankie Boyle, Dougie Donelly, the entire cast of River City – this is the only country in the world where being born with a mono-brow and a squint means you’re probably going to have a long and successful career in the performing arts. Smug is a definite no-no in Scotland and generally to be treated with the same suspicion and derision as burglars and people who don’t drink alcohol.
This fact was brought home to me at 920am on Sunday morning, in the middle of my local supermarket. I had just at that moment discovered that Bross Bagels had been voted 10th in the Observer’s Food monthly list of ‘Everything We Love About Food Right Now’. Now the typical Scottish reaction would have been to discreetly tuck that newspaper under my arm, allow myself a modest, wry smile before promptly paying for my purchase, politely excusing myself and popping oﬀ home to casually cast a quiet, self-critical eye on the review before reaching the conclusion that the lovely writer was being overly kind. Unfortunately the Canadian Jew reaction is diﬀerent and involves triumphantly screaming ‘you fxxxing beautiful motherfxxxxr’ over and over for a full ten minutes, falling to my knees in utter elation, sobbing uncontrollably while attempting to read the review out over the supermarkets tannoy system, then buying every single copy and handing them out along with mandatory hi-fives to anyone too stupid to hear me coming and run in the opposite direction.
Not being allowed back in to Morrison’s is a small price to pay however. It’s been a great start to the year, I cannot lie… I’ve had to pinch myself so much in 2019 recently that I’m thinking of giving myself a safety word. I would never have dared to dream that Bross Bagels could have done so well in such a short time and as much as I am entirely comfortable with taking all the credit for that, unfortunately I have to acknowledge that it’s not just me… ok that was tough….
The fact of the matter is – I have a fantastic team behind me; bakers, chefs, coﬀee makers, accountants, prep guys, printers, Wayne from the adverts…………………………………………………………………………. all of these people – I’d be utterly lost without them and all of them have put their heart and soul into making BB’s the best place it can be to get your hole.
It was right there – in that supermarket while I was screaming out swear words that only Spike Lee should use, that I decided, I was going to reward my staﬀ team with a night they would remember. I would treat them to a reward night out, that very evening to celebrate their commitment, their ability to work as a team…. their prowess and skill at giving so many people their hole, exactly the way they want it…. and that is why I took them all bowling…. so I could get them drunk, kick their ass and remind them who is boss and then write a blog about it.
And so I dedicate this blog to my team and hope you can put up with the fact, I’m pretty smug I got them.
Till next time BL’s Mama Bross x
“Follow mama bross on FB, TW and Insta – bringing bagel love to your mobile device… Don’t miss a pun!” – The orifice of wisdom!