Snowflakes falling on Leith
by Larah Bross | 03 Dec 2018
Hey Bagel lovers,
So I get it!…
You’ve not even started shopping yet, you or everyone else in your vicinity has a cold/vomiting virus/aggressive Seasonal Affective Disorder, the work night out is coming up and you are determined this will be the year that you definitely make it past 9pm without being carried into a taxi/ambulance/emergency rickshaw after calling your boss something that you thought, at the time, was insightful and witty but turns out was apparently unnecessary and cruel… and don’t even get you started on the ridiculous demands your stupid family are making… This is no time for a blog about bloody bagels… no matter how delicious they are. I get it!
But count yourself lucky. In my house we celebrate Christimakah. It’s Hanukkah and Christmas slammed together into one exhausting month of relentless joy, thanksgiving and festivity… and it’s utterly exhausting.
But then… every now and then something just gets you. I am often ambushed by a beautiful seasonal moment. For example, it’s been truly lovely to watch people using our upstairs seated area in our Leith shop. All sorts of people, taking time out to enjoy their food and friends. It’s made me feel all Christimakahy.
Then over at Portobello at our original shop, the whole community is warming up for the local pantomime, Snow White and the 7 Dwarves. I would put a link up for tickets but it’s already sold out! There’s something comforting in knowing that even in these crazy times, people are still making time for one other, still getting together to eat and laugh and have fun.
Well…. maybe not all people…
Last week we put up a new advert and can I thank all the people who commented, liked and shared it. There was one person however, (and it was only one) who took time out of their day to express the great offence they had taken, and when I say great offence, I mean the kind of offence you would take if I had spat on his grandmother offence. I’ll spare you the whole three
intensely-written paragraphs but his complaints largely boiled down to;
- The advert was sick and making fun of blind people
- Bross Bagels was gentrifying Leith
- When in the shop of his own free will, purchasing said gentrified bagel, it wasn’t even toasted
- I have a face like a melted welly boot.
Here at Bross Bagels we listen to our customers…. even when they’re total morons, so please allow me take a special Christmakah moment to address these complaints personally;
- The advert is clearly not making fun of blind people but being satirical about claims often made by advertising. Also, blind people probably won’t be able to see it, …
- Leith has several Michelin Star restaurants, private whisky rooms and a Royal Yacht. I’m not sure a family run bagel shop really tips the balance into dangerously gentrifying the area. We employ local people, are in partnership with a social enterprise Breadshare and source all our stock from local suppliers. I believe we are contributing to the area I’ve loved living and working in for many years.
- We have a sign that says ‘ask to get your bagel toasted!’. Maybe eating a bagel might help you with that blindness a bit?
- You don’t know my mum by any chance, do you?
So, dear customer – I hope you’re reading this and that it addresses your complaints. but if not, we at Bross Bagels would never let it be said that we don’t respond to our customers, so we are going to name a bagel after you… that’s right!… as a gesture of gratitude and goodwill for your insightful and informative critique of our Bagel shop… and my face, we are proud to announce the launch of
The Gentrified Logan; a fresh bagel made out of ground up broken glass and paper mache, with a filling of pickled fish heads, incredibly angry chilies and topped oﬀ with a bitter dressing of self-importance… oh and it only comes UN-toasted.
Please pop in anytime for a free sample and I promise I’ll wear a balaclava backwards in order to save your sensitive eyes from any more distress.
And to the rest of you beautiful people, do your best to enjoy this time, try and keep sane out there, if you get a chance and pop in and see us and remember… above all else… don’t let the snowflakes get you down!
“Follow mama bross on FB, TW and Insta – bringing bagel love to your mobile device… Don’t miss a pun! ” – The orifice of wisdom!