circling the square with Bross Bros
by Larah Bross | 14 Jan 2019
Happy New Year Bagel Lovers!
I am aware that’s annoying… particularly almost two weeks in to January and when nothing seems particularly new or happy… As a naturally positive Canadian, I still get a huge kick out of witnessing the trademark Scottish cynicism. Sarcasm has been illegal in Canada since Justin Bieber. It is widely believed he got famous accidentally because he couldn’t recognise the difference between someone saying “that was brilliant – you’re going to be a superstar” and “oh aye, you are totally brilliant by the way – you’re definitely going to be a superstar!”
Anyway you can imagine my delight when I was fortunate enough to see this following little scenario play out the in the shop, just after New Year’s Day.
Man 1 is in queue, Man 2 enters shop behind him
Man 2 – oh hello there – Happy New Year to you!
Man 1 – are you taking the fxxxing piss?!….
I mean that’s Scotland right there in a nutshell isn’t it? Only in Scotland could the appropriate response to a genuine seasonal greeting, be the natural assumption that said greeter is being a maliciously sarcy bastard.
There is a silverlining however… you probably aren’t aware but January is also National Soup Month? I know!…
Here at Bross Bagels we’ll be making our now famous Matzah Ball Soup and I will be stepping up my inappropriate puns by reliving the hilarious ‘are your balls hard or soft?’ conversation that happened growing up in my family, every time we ate it, with all of my customers. People just buying bagels will just have to make do with the standard ‘is that you got your hole then?’.
But if you’re really taking January seriously then we have launched our ‘New Year, New You’ bagel. Sponsored by Synergy Gym – a Wholemeal bagel, turkey breast, avocado, crushed pistachio, manuka honey & mustard dressing and rocket. Designed to get you into February feeling almost human again.
And if this month does eventually become a bit too much and you find yourself in dire need of some distraction can I thoroughly recommend ‘After The Screaming Stops’ – which is not at all about Brexit but a documentary on the BBC iPlayer about the reforming of 80s band Bros (…great name). It got me through Christmas and below is our very own homage to the Goss brothers
So, chin up…. we’ll get there, and let’s kick 2019 right in the bagel hole!
“Follow mama bross on FB, TW and Insta – bringing bagel love to your mobile device… Don’t miss a pun! ” – The orifice of wisdom!